We, right from the start of our tour,
by rockets every day.
I had been before we arrived.
Of course, it wasn't just
And it kind of wears at nerves eventually.
I mean, it's a novelty and exciting
rocket, the 500th or the 700th,
and especially when you see what these
and then you're out on the ground
you know, that's when you really learn
you know, there's nowhere to hide in terms
And General Slim, who commanded the 15th
I think, to paraphrase him,
has a stock of courage, but it's.
And some people have a lot of courage,
Some people don't have much,
I think fungible was the word he used.
And I suppose I'd liken it to a bank
you know, multimillionaires,
And others are virtually
And.
But conflict and war
And I observed.
I saw that in Basra.
So, for example, very early on,
He was a reservist who'd.
I think he'd done a tour
Spent most of his career in the orderly
drawing his pay in peacetime,
But he came to say, look,
I've got a family, you know,
I need to go home.
And clearly he was somebody whose courage
And I didn't let him go home
This is, you know, this is our duty.
We're volunteers, you know, the time
It was years ago, if you couldn't cope.
And I also knew that if I let one man go
which just frightened this individual,
then you know, we're not really
But secondly, and most importantly,
message does that send to everyone else?
That this is an optional, this is option,
not a duty, so we kept an eye on him.
We moved into the squadron command post,
He did finish his tour, thankfully,
at the end of it, shook his hand.
But
and the padre and he tried to persuade
to it, but none of them, you know,
So he stayed.
I mean, most of my,
of asking to go home, but if I'd let
And there were some,
who also were equally timid but were
So there was one senior officer
He had breeze blocks in his
In the periods during the day when
customarily more frequent,
was in his bunker in his room.
But the thing is, I mean, that might have
But of course it wasn't that.
The ability to do that wasn't
So although that was his means of coping
he wasn't setting any kind of example,
leadership by example to anyone else.
So therefore
for him,
But then on the other end of the scale,
a senior NCO who a man of huge reputation,
sort of all over the world.
He'd done all sorts of
I personally looked up to him
He's a real kind of someone you
But I did notice, as the tour went on
became more frequent,
He seemed more bad tempered,
So I took him aside one afternoon,
walls near the command post and I just
admit he was feeling the strain.
And I realised then that this incredibly
had just got to the point where he
stock of courage
and returned home head held high.
Rightly so, he was a star.
But he retired fairly soon afterwards.
I think his country had probably.
He probably was self aware enough to know
you know, couldn't ask any more of him.
But there was, you know,
I saw a man with very little
And I saw a man who was undoubtedly brave
you know, he really
to go on, although he did, of course.
And I noticed this in myself a few years
by the end of my time in Basra,
because I'd seen what rockets did
800th rocket or something or whatever it
I was finding my nerves were a bit
and I was really grateful
And then a few years later in Baghdad,
involved in the assault on Mosul in 2017,
And for a moment I was
I managed to get a grip myself.
But I did realise that experience of Basra
hadn't realised that I was actually quite
bank account of resilience.
It was quite a lesson, actually.
What's that like from the home front
did you have people to help you
Yes, yes.
You can replenish it for sure.
You can.
You draw strength from those around you.
I mean, I drew a lot of strength
You have a duty to your people and,
to keep a grip of yourself.
And also, I didn't want
I wanted them in years to come to be proud
of a question mark over my performance.
I wanted to be true to my own values.
You know, I, I think I have
I certainly try to have,
is bearing up when things are difficult.
Didn't want to let my wider family down.
So there's a lot of things
And yeah,
even the most shell shocked individuals
But it does, you know,
and there will come a point where even
And I saw that
from their extraordinary qualities.
But yes, I think having,
but also your family,
you know, your service, your country,
And actually,
the less agency you
As the squadron commander,
in the driving seat of what
I wasn't a passenger, whereas possibly
I mean, most of them of course,
But it's probably harder to maintain.
You know, it's probably easier to feel
a little bit of a passenger.
And I suspect that there's probably
nerve the less agency you have.
And that's perhaps where,
of mission command as possible,
have some degree of agency and some degree
probably make for a more resilient unit.
